I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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