Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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