WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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