I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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