Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize