i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize