I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize