sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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