All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize