just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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