I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
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I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
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Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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