The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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