I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
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Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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