I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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