Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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