The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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