I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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