ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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