I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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