i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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