nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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