jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize