Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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