you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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