I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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