Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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