I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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