There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize