she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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