Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
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The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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