Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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