I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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