I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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