Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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