I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize