I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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