i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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