she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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