My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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