i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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