My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize