She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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