Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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