On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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