yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize