I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize