he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
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Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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