So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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