ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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