If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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